According to the Work and Family Researchers’ Network, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation, often including the threat or use of violence. Furthermore, according to Healthy Place, emotional abuse is an act including confinement, isolation, verbal assault, humiliation, intimidation, or any other treatment which may diminish the sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth.
Domestic violence isn’t something to take lightly! I experience it firsthand. I was punched in the face, choked, and shoved against walls. I had black eyes, busted lips, and bruised ribs. My abuser, was possessive, jealous, and very controlling. I never understood why he would result to physically attacking me and then say, “I love you so much, and it won’t happen again.” This was a reoccurring process. He would physically abuse me if I arrived home late from work or if wanted to hang out with family and friends or if I was seen having an innocent conversation with another man. I tried to stay to make it work for the sake of my family. I tried counseling and a lot of prayer to help this situation. I even put down a deposit for a lie detector test to prove my innocence because he made constant accusations. I wanted to help him and have a healthy relationship. Because he didn’t want to lose me or go to jail, the physical abuse eventually stopped, but then he became verbally abusive and extremely controlling. This is the time I began to realize this man cannot be helped, and that he had a major problem. He didn’t want to see me excel but wanted me dependent upon him at all times. I felt like I was in hell, and I was never happy. One day he proposed, and I said, “Yes.”
Then he shouted, “I can’t wait to have the wedding certificate stating you are MINE.” I thought to myself this is not what a marriage bond should entail. The next day, I told him he had to go! Of course, the process wasn’t easy, but when it was over I became a FREE woman. Staying with someone should never be the answer! Do what is best for you and for your children and get out of a bad situation. At the end, you will have your life to be thankful for. Leaving him was the best decision I made. I learned a lot about myself, and I was able to focus on things that I liked to do and to pursue my own dreams. I am a better woman on my own, and I was able to raise a great boy without him! For years, I was ashamed to admit the abuse I suffered. I did not want to let people think that I was weak or vulnerable. I was young and had no guidance. I endured that painful relationship for several years and was lucky to come out alive. But part of evolving from a young adult to a woman is an ability to understand the past, acknowledge the story, and learn from it. Today, I am giving you my untold story because I accept my past, and I want to help any woman who is having the same experience. That makes me “Thee Woman Today.”
We need you to understand that are not alone, and you can start early by knowing the red flags. No one should ever have to beat you, call you names, or show you any disrespect. Simply remove yourself from the situation! Understand that abuse shouldn't normally be for “Thee Woman.”